Things I’d Like To See In 2014

New Year’s Day came in like a lamb at our house. My wife, Sandy, and I had planned to spend the better part of the evening at church eating a light supper, watching a faith-based movie and singing a few hymns. But the church service was canceled due to snow and drifting, so we stayed home and watched a couple of movies on the Hallmark Channel and got to bed by 10:15.
We are middle aged and living like it.
You can’t really blame us for yawning into the new year. Twenty-thirteen was nothing special. Few of the things I hoped for came to pass. Instead, about all we got were more trouble in the Mideast, more partisanship in Washington, and Miley Cyrus.
Now we are a full week into twenty-fourteen, however, and it’s time for my list of just a few things I’d like to see in the new year. If it’s not too much trouble, here’s what I want for 2014:
— A little more global warming this winter.
— No early spring ice storms.
— A ban on all forms of reality TV.
— Fewer news organizations putting political philosophy over facts.
— A reason to watch the Minnesota Twins in September.
— A Minnesota Vikings quarterback draft pick that isn’t a “reach.”
— A traditional halftime show at the Super Bowl, complete with high school marching band.
— In the run-up to the November election, less blame and more problem-solving.
—A ban on all political advertisements between the months of March and November and between the hours of 7 a.m. and midnight —seven days of the week.
—A complete news blackout about anything Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber happen to be doing.
—Oprah to buy one of my books from, love it, and make me rich and famous.
—“Grandparents Day” to suddenly become one of America’s most celebrated and revered holidays, on a par with Christmas.